Everything is my own fault. I am worthless to the extent that I would not dare burden someone worth more with my company. I am not happy. I will never be happy. It is my own fault. I had the chance to be happy at the price that I would make someone else very unhappy. I decided to try one more time. And I am trying harder than I ever have. Because I hate giving up. I don't know why, I guess I'm just stupid that way. But this is it. Happiness or Not. Last chance. Very last. Next time, if there is one, she will have no warning. No time to beg and make me feel like I've done something awful. I have tried harder than any man should to keep this going. As Michael Jackson said. This is it. So I wait, and I try. Maybe it'll work. Though for some reason, I sincerely hope it does not. Maybe that's why it wont no matter how hard I try. But still I must try...

One thing I'm good at,
drives people mad.
I could wait forever,
till things turn to dust.
I always think,
I've waited this long.
I never think,
maybe the waiting is done.
And so I wait again,
for the last time.
If I don't find,
what I've been waiting for,
then It's my own fault,
for waiting to long.
And the hurt will remain,
while I continue to wait,
for death.
Because my taxes,
have been paid in pain.